Date Everything! Review
After spending over 30 hours with Date Everything!—and still having so much left to discover—I can honestly say this game is one of the most joyful, ridiculous, and surprisingly heartfelt visual novels I've played in years. Made by Team17 and Sassy Chap Games, it takes the classic dating sim formula and turns it completely on its head, inviting you to connect with every single object in your house. It's a journey you won't soon forget.
The game kicks off with a familiar and humorous premise: you've just started a new remote job at Valvidian, only to be immediately put in "limbo" because AI is taking over minor roles. But don't worry, this isn't some remote working simulator! Instead, a mysterious figure named Tinfoilhat tasks you with looking after the "Dateviators"—special glasses that reveal the true, human forms of inanimate objects. This unique concept instantly transforms your house into a vibrant world filled with 100 wildly unique "Dateables," each with their own story to tell.
The stat system, called S.P.E.C.S. (Smarts, Poise, Empathy, Charm, and Sass), is central to your adventure. It's not just built to rack up points; every interaction, whether it leads to friendship, love, or even hate, contributes to your S.P.E.C.S. levels. These points are crucial because they unlock new dialogue options, propel storylines forward, and, most importantly, allow you to "Realize" objects, transforming them into full-fledged human beings. The S.P.E.C.S. system is designed to reflect your character's growth and adaptability, and it's an ethically questionable but incredibly satisfying mechanic that lets you truly embrace chaos in the best way possible.
In my playthrough, I managed to unlock all 100 Dateables, accumulating 33 friendship endings, 46 love endings, and 19 hate endings. Even after 30 hours, I've still only collected 278 out of 404 collectibles, which speaks volumes about the sheer replayability. The game encourages experimentation; there's no single "right" way to play. You can choose to befriend your steadfast doorman, Dorian, seduce your fluffy towels, or even antagonize a grumpy breaker box. Each and every path is valid and rewarding, offering unique insights into the quirky personalities inhabiting your home. Suppose you're ever stuck finding a Dateable? In that case, the game offers "Roomers" – cryptic hints about characters that appear on your in-game phone, adding another layer of detective work to the dating sim experience. These Roomers are designed to provide subtle clues and hints about the Dateables, enhancing the mystery and discovery aspect of the game.
What truly sets Date Everything! Apart is its incredible production value. This game boasts over 70,000 fully voiced lines—that's more than 40 hours of voice acting!—and over 11,000 meticulously hand-drawn images.
The voice cast is a heavy-hitting one, including Felicia Day, Robbie Daymond, Neil Newbon, mostly the entirety of Critical Role, Brennan Lee Mulligan, and Dante Bosco... who voices a fire character fitting enough for our Fire Lord. They all bring enthusiasm to these beautifully ridiculous roles that permeate every line, imbuing them with energy and humour that makes every interaction stick with you. The musical scores in the game are equally great, with each character having their song that fits their personality perfectly.
The writing features a wealth of pop culture references, clever jokes, and genuinely sincere and even heartfelt moments. Some of my personal favourite Dateables, such as Betty, Abel, Volt, Chance, Dolly, Doug, and Daisuke, have backstories that are both humorous and unexpected. The diversity of personality and experience is one of the game's strong points, and it even provides players with the option to skip more serious topics, making it inclusive for all. Certain storylines go unexpectedly deep and explore complicated feelings and relationships that transcend mere romance. Being able to date the game developers and glitches, or even engage with the text box itself, illustrates the game's intelligent self-awareness and need to push boundaries.
While I did encounter a few minor bugs—such as being unable to complete the Beverly storyline—these never detracted from my overall enjoyment. Some of them just added to the game's charm and humour. Date Everything! is a game that doesn't take itself too seriously, yet delivers a profound message about finding connections in unexpected places. It doesn't treat friendship as a lesser ending, celebrating all forms of relationships, even with concepts like Existential Dread. In the game, Existential Dread is not just a concept but a character you can interact with, adding a unique and thought-provoking element to the game.
Date Everything! is a triumph of storytelling, character design, and pure, unfiltered fun. If you love visual novels and branching narratives or just want to see what it's like to fall in love with your existential dread, this game is an absolute must-play. I'm still not done after 30 hours, and I can't wait to dive back in for more.
I am rating this game 9/10 for its brilliant writing, dynamic characters, and the sheer silly joy it brings. Who knew being in a romantic relationship with Existential Dread could be this much fun?!
